


Being Brave

by Anytha



Series: Journey to Discover Each Other [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Gen, Guilt, Spoilers from 1x13, T.R.A.C.K.S
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anytha/pseuds/Anytha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fitz could read Simmons better than he could read himself and he knew that she was still struggling with guilt, doubt and fear. He was struggling with the same feelings. Spoilers from episode 1x13 T.R.A.C.K.S.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Brave

**Author's Note:**

> Well... I just had to write down whatever went through my head after seeing episode 1x13.
> 
> Hope you guys like it.. ;)
> 
> Thanks to my Beta StarryDreamer01 who helped me edit this. All of my stories are being re-edited and polished: just wanted you guys to know.. ;)

* * *

-:-

_The brave man is not he who feels no fear,_

_For that were stupid and irrational;_

_But he, whose noble soul its fear subdues,_

_And bravely dares the danger nature shrinks from._

__

_Joanna Baillie, Count Basil (1798), Act III, scene 1, line 151._

-:-

  
  


At the beginning, she was only nervous.

Nervous for the mission. Nervous for her role and the importance of getting everything right.

She had prepared herself since improvisation wasn't really her thing. She didn't want to be the reason of a failure or a hindrance in the Team's work.

The moment the comms were down, her nervousness spiked up, tinged with a bit of fear. Her thoughts flew to Fitz and Skye and she wondered if something had occurred. Her hand went to her comm and fear for Fitz sparked in her chest when he didn't reply.

She watched Agent Coulson leave, waited for an unknown amount of minutes, heartbeat speeding in her chest until she saw Ward walking towards her. Fast. 

And he was hurt.

Ward told her that they've been made but she pushes back her fear, numbing it for a moment as she recalled her role in the Team.

She's the doctor. It's her job to keep the Team safe. Alive.

She tried to look at his wound but Ward rejected the help and just told her to join Fitz and Skye and wait for him.

His actual words were to get locked inside and to not come out until he came to get them.

It's the urgency in his tone that made her run to the luggage car, fear back in her veins.

 

-:-

 

His nerves weren't jittery when they worked: he was focused. 

He knew something was wrong the moment the comms went down and when Skye mentioned an electronic scrambler interfering with their devices, he knew that Cybertech was aware that they were there.

All the uneasiness and fear that he had been keeping at bay, comes up.

He forced it back down with all his might, telling himself that he had to stay focused. 

They were on a mission and they were all separated.

He had to think clearly because he and Skye were the whole Team's eyes and ears on the train. If they couldn't fix this, then no one else could.

He barely had time to think for a solution when a Cybertech man barged into the car and starts shooting.

It was Skye's warning and instinct -raw self-preserving instinct- that got him away from the shots and against the crates to hide.

Fear started to bubble up but he kept it down. He managed to pull out the Night-night gun and blindly shoot, distracting the man enough to allow Skye to attack him.

He admired her. She may not be a full agent and hadn't even gone through half the training  that he did but she had courage.

The Cybertech man was strong, too strong for a woman and Skye was thrown on the floor. He jumped in and tries to help but the man is a trained soldier. He was down after a punch struck him across the face.

He was barely aware that Skye had gotten his fallen Night-night gun and only saw the grenade in their opponent's hand.

And then he heard _her_ voice.

 

'We've been made!”

 

His eyes widened as he scrambled to his feet.

 

-:-

 

She ran into the car, expecting to find Fitz and Skye dealing with the comms' blackout. Not Skye holding a gun and Fitz sprawled on the ground. Fear found its way in her body again.

“Oh Bloody Hell...” she exclaimed, skidding to a stop. 

She didn't expect to find a man with a grenade in his hand.

She looked up just when the man turned, glowing blue device in his hand. He was going to throw it.

At her teammates and friends.

At Skye and Fitz.

 

 _Fitz_.

 

She moved before any thought or fear stopped her. She _had_ to stop the man.

 

-:-

 

“Jemma!” He shouted, standing up. And everything just happened so quickly..

She launched herself against the Cybertech man, tackling him with her arms and almost hugging him.

“I've got it!” She shouted as they struggled and a blue nebulous spark explodes between Jemma and the man's stomachs.

And they both fell to the ground.

 

He watched as she fell down and laid still. _Unmoving_.

 

His heart just stopped and he heard his own heavy breathing as his eyes fixed on her.

It's not fear or panic: it's a numbness that doesn't make him move. His mind went blank except for one thought.

 

'Not again,' his traitorous mind told him. He saw her standing by the cargo ramp again. ' _Not again_. Not. Again.'

He felt the same wave of petrifying panic as he breathed heavily, heart thudding in his chest and brain in overdrive.

 

Why did she have to be so brave? Why did she consider her life so unworthy to just toss it off when the others are in danger?

Why? Why? _Why?_

The spark of angry thoughts is short-lived because the numbness just took over. 

She was still on the ground.

'Oh, God..no. Not her. _Anyone_ but not her..'

 

He didn't hear Skye talking beside him but just saw her dash forward and crouch down to check Jemma's pulse.

He moves towards his partner (friend, love... all of these words are meshed into Jemma now) but his gait was slow as though he was walking in another time and space.

He only heard his breathing, heavy and slow.

And then..

 

“She's okay,” Skye said, looking up at him.

 

His breath came out long and shuddering now and relief - _glorious_ relief- made him almost collapse on his knees but his right hand on a crate balanced him.

She was alive.

_Alive._

 

That's all he needed to know. He took a deep breath and started focusing again.

They had been made.

They had to find the others.

He had to be sure if Jemma was really fine.

 

He took some duffel bags to prop Jemma up and then crouched down to examine her. She was unmoving, eyes open and he noticed some blue vein-like streaks on her face.

Rapidly disappearing.

He recalled her explanation of the properties of dendrotoxin while working on the first projects of the Night-Night gun. The chemical reaction that caused the toxin to rapidly expand throughout the body, through the veins and paralyse a person for an amount of time.

The only visible effect of its passage being the dissolving blue coloration of the veins, especially the facial ones.

He watched the dissolving streaks on the man and Jemma's faces.

He felt dread run through his veins as he collected the broken grenade and studied the delivery mechanism.

He explained to Skye that the grenade used some form of airborne dendrotoxin, ignoring the gnawing feeling in his stomach.

Cybertech, Centipede or whoever the hell was behind all of this had copied their science.

Copied Jemma's dendrotoxin, developed it further and used it against her.

“So why are their eyes open?” Skye asked, concern still clear in her voice as she looked at Jemma's face.

“I suppose they're in some sort of black sleep,” he explained, leaning forward to gently close Jemma's eyes with his fingers. “That would make sense.”

The moment he closed her eyelids, he wished he hadn't.

She was pale and immobile. She looked dead...

His heart thumped in his chest as he looked at her and convinced himself that she was only paralysed and alive. 

And he couldn't shake off the thought that the two times she had almost died (or he thought she had), the cause hadn't been a gun or an attack. It hadn't been some external cause that they had never encountered.

It had been _her science_. First a virus, now a new form of dendrotoxin.

He couldn't take his eyes off her as Skye talked about looking for the others.

The others... 

The rest of the Team...

Yes... 

They were still on a mission.

He shook himself out of his numbness and concern and looked at the hacker, telling her that they had to move Jemma away, hide her.

He took her hand and put the Night-Night gun with a new cartridge of shots in her grip. Her hand was cold.

'But she's always freezing cold,' he told himself. 'She's alright. She's just...asleep.'

They hauled the Cybertech man into a crate and he shot him twice with his Night-Night gun. 

It was the first time that he intentionally shot a person and not a practice dummy or sign -he felt no regret. The man was the reason of Jemma being unconscious.

He was going to look at his partner again when Skye appeared announcing that their teammates were not in the train.

And then the train stopped.

 

Minutes later, they were following Cybertech and the package. Before leaving the luggage car, he turned again to look at the place where Jemma's frozen form was hidden. He swallowed dryly and kept his feelings of unease and fear at bay, knowing that at least she would be fine.

 

-:-  


“Everybody get down!”

  
  


She shot up, shouting the warning and blindly fired a shot before turning around and firing again. Jemma's eyes widened as she saw Agent Coulson, May and Ward.

“Simmons, stop!” Coulson exclaimed and she lowered the gun.

Wait a minute... _Why_ was she holding the Night-Night gun?

She turned around, only to see the deserted corridor leading to the luggage car.

The last thing she remembered was... _Oh._

She abruptly turned around again, dread and fear flowing through her veins.

The grenade.

Fitz and Skye.

 

 _Fitz_.

  
  


_Where_ was he?

 

She tried to calm down, keep her breathing slow and not erratic as she was hearing it, but the fact that he wasn't there was making her frantic. Her eyes looked everywhere but there was only May, Ward and Coulson there.

Fitz was standing in front of her a minute ago with Skye. And now... where was he?

She saw her teammates looking at her with concerned expressions.

She steeled herself, shook her head from any thought and kept her fear at bay.

 

“Where are Fitz and Skye?” she asked Coulson who was standing in front of her, looking worried.

The team leader's blank expression made all her unease bubble up again.

 

Minutes later, they were on their SUV as the tracer on the package had been activated and they were going to where Ian Quinn and -they were all sure about this- also Fitz and Skye would be.

Jemma tried to stay calm but her emotions were a jumble.

She had learned about the improved dendrotoxin  that had paralysed her. The scientist in her was raging against Centipede (for having improved her project so quickly) and herself (for _not_ having improved and developed her project quickly enough).

She felt tension seeping inside her chest as they drove to Quinn's mansion. The thought of Fitz and Skye, alone and attempting to finish the mission on their own made her feel terrified.

She glanced at her teammates and noticed their tensed stances. May and Ward were not moving with their usual fluidity: there was a subtle rigidity caused by some injury they must have received.

She wondered what had happened in those moments (or hours she didn't know) when she had been paralysed.

She felt a surge of guilt at the fact that she, the Team's doctor, was unconscious while they were injured. She should have been there for them...

 

The moment they got to the mansion, she heard gunshots. And the sound of heavy thuds, breaking glass and shouts. 

‘Fitz…’ She suddenly forgot how to breathe.

And she saw a man lying on the ground by a car. A Cybertech man, she quickly realised, letting out a sigh of relief.

May stopped the car and they all scrambled out just in time to see Fitz appear out of no where and walk blindly in front of the car parked by the mansion.

Another man appeared and aimed his gun at him. Fitz didn't see him.

Her heart stopped in her chest.

'No!' Her mind screamed as her voice was suddenly disabled. “No,no, no... Not him. _Anyone_ but not him...'

The man fell to the ground shot by Ward and Fitz abruptly turned around to face them. Her body moved on its own as she ran to him, her hand reaching for his shoulder and assessing his condition.

He had a bruise on his face but other than that he looked fine.

Physically at least. 

Their eyes met for a second and she forced her fear down as she saw the emotions in his eyes.

He looked frazzled, disoriented as he stammered an answer to Coulson's question and told him that Skye was inside and hadn't wanted to allow Quinn to leave.

Concern for the hacker made its way to her heart as they all entered the mansion.

 

-:-

 

The moment he heard the chaos coming from the mansion, he regretted sending Skye inside alone.

What had he been thinking??

She might be a training field agent but she was just one, inexperienced girl with a lot of courage, empathy and morality. A girl with just a gun.

And he had been outside to disable the cars.

He was such a coward...

He grit his teeth and forced himself to move and not stay out there, fear numbing his body. He had to help her out.

They were a team. If Jemma had been brave enough to put herself in front of a grenade to save them, he could walk into that mansion and get out with Skye.

He stumbled forward and a movement at his side caught his eye. He barely had time to turn and see the man with the gun trained on him, barely had time to realise that he was going to be shot when said man fell to the ground.

He turned and saw Ward and Coulson.

The Team was here.

May appeared behind them and then Jemma ran forward towards him.

She was alright.

He hated himself for thinking that and for the wave of relief that went through him as her hand clasped his shoulder, as he saw her standing there in front of him and eyes searching his face.

She looked scared and worried as their gazes met but then the emotions disappeared. 

She was bottling everything up: this wasn't the moment to lose focus. He had to follow her example.

He couldn't lose it. Skye was still in there.

They hurried inside after Ward who single-handedly took out all the guards with two guns. He catches a glimpse of Coulson tackling Quinn to a table and they all gather in the hallway as Quinn taunts their leader about sending Skye on her own.

He felt a sickening feeling in his stomach at the thought that the hacker might be hurt...

Fitz saw Coulson lose his calm for maybe the first time since their meeting as he hit Quinn with the butt of his gun and shouted at them to search the house.

He and Jemma rushed upstairs, opening the doors of every room, without exchanging words (they hadn't talked at all since their reunion just glances).

She was deeply concerned and there was a constant hint of fear dancing in her eyes. He was sure that his eyes had the same expression.

He opened every door with his heart in his throat, hoping to find and not find Skye at the same time since he didn't know _how_ they would find her.

The nagging feeling of guilt burned him inside.

  
  


“ _Simmons! Get down here_!”

  
  


He jumped as Coulson's shout echoed throughout the house. Jemma was a few steps away from him and had frozen, a look of pure fear in her face.

Coulson's voice held a desperation that didn't bode well...

'Skye...' They both ran downstairs to the underground floor only to find their leader holding the hacker in his arms by the door.

He stared at the girl. She was pale, impossibly white and blood oozed in a trickle from her mouth. He fought down a wave of nausea as he saw the blood soaking her shirt at her abdomen and the streak of blood on the floor.

He suddenly realised that Skye had dragged herself to the door, maybe in an attempt to call for help.

The anger towards Quinn was thwarted by the anger towards himself. He should have been there...

He stepped back as Jemma rushed past him and they both crouched down to check on Skye.

“She's been shot,” Coulson remarked.

“Keep her upright,” Jemma said, examining her wound and her face. Fitz saw how the panic in her eyes flared at then vanished as she forced herself to focus.

“I got no pulse,” Coulson's voice is wavering.

“Ah, she lost too much blood,” Jemma explained, breathing heavily. Fitz looked at her but she didn't look back and he suddenly realised that the situation was bad if she couldn't hold his gaze. “I don-”

He saw her look around the room and then falter. He turned and saw what she was looking at.

“Put her in there,” she said, voice firm now. He recognized the tone: she had found a solution.

“Do you even know what this thing is?” Ward retorted, pointing to the machine.

“It's an hyperbaric chamber and I said put her in there,” Jemma demanded. “ _Now_.”

Jemma was their doctor and none of them could question her authority now. There was no rank or level at this point.

He took hold of Skye's leg while Ward, May and Coulson did the same with her arm and other leg. They quickly and gently lifted her up and laid her on the bed.

“I need to get her temperature down,” Jemma remarked from behind them. He moved as soon as he put Skye down. “Fitz...”

“Yes, ok,” He said, glancing at the LCD panel. “I got, I got it...”

He started tapping on the screen, modifying the values so that he could lower the temperature inside the chamber. He felt Jemma approach him, felt her quick breaths as she waited for him to finish.

He could smell the iron tang of Skye's blood coming from her hands.

The whole room was silent as he tapped, his teammates waiting for an answer.

“Temperature is dropping,” he announced, tapping the last key. Jemma nodded and turned.

“Pressure is stabilizing,” she concluded.

They all waited, holding their collective breaths as they watched Skye inside the chamber. She was still immobile.

“Is it working?” May asked softly, voicing everyone's question. Fitz glanced at Jemma who was looking at Skye, her hands held up and covered in her blood. 

“Is it working?!” Coulson shouted. Jemma didn't reply but he saw her shoulders and hands tense. He caught a glimpse of her reflection on the the chamber and saw her eyes turn glassy.

She was on the verge of breaking down...but was holding back.

And then Skye breathed, a little huff of breath clouded the chamber's interior. Jemma let out a small breath of relief but he saw that her stance was still tense.

“For now,” she said and looked around at their teammates. They were all staring at her before looking down at Skye.

 

They brought the hyperbaric chamber to the Bus and into the lab where Jemma could monitor Skye closely. His partner explained the hacker's conditions to the team and no one spoke or moved as the reality that Skye's life was dangling on a thin thread sunk in.

Fitz's eyes were fixed on Skye's hurt form but his ears were focused on Jemma.

“We need to get her to medical facility and fast,” Her tone had acquired a monotone, almost robotic hint. “Until then, I'll do everything I can to keep her alive.”

He knew that she was struggling to keep her emotions at bay. He knew, deep in his heart, that she was struggling to keep herself together.

“Excuse me.”

She walked away towards the storage corridor. He heard her footsteps, slow and light as she left.

His gaze drifted to Skye's face, taking in the uncharacteristically pale and sombre expression on her.

His last words to her were to be careful... He should have gone inside with her.

He muttered an apology in his head to the broken girl in the chamber and slowly made his way down the corridor towards the equally broken girl in the storage room.

He had failed Skye but he would never allow himself to fail Jemma.

He found her wildly opening the supplies' drawers, searching for something that she didn't seem to find. He then saw her rip open a bag and take some gauze to clean her hands.

His heart clenched and he put his hand on her shoulder.

 

-:-

Gauze. She needed gauze.

Or a towel.

Or tissue papers.

  
  


Anything that would get the blood out of her hands.

She found a bag of gauze and ripped it open but her hands were trembling. She stared at them for a moment as she tried to clean them and felt tears come to her eyes.

Skye.

It was Skye's blood on her hands.

Not some random stranger. Not some seasoned operative agent.

Skye.

The girl who teased her about her inability to lie. The brilliant hacker that had managed to fit inside the lab with her and Fitz without disrupting their dynamics.

Her _friend_ Skye.

  
  


And she didn't know if she would survive. She was the Team's doctor and she didn't know if she would survive.

She had _failed_ her...

  
  


She heard him approaching her, recognizing his footsteps before his hand gripped her shoulder. She felt her resolve and forced strength crumble down as she turned around. The sob that had been threatening to leave her throat for hours made it's way out of her lips and she looked up at him.

Fitz looked back with solemn eyes. She saw concern in those blue orbs too: concern for _her_. 

He moved forward and gently took her in his arms and she moved her blood-stained hands up and melted into his embrace, wrapping her arms around him, leaning onto his shoulder and allowing all the grief, fear and anxiety to come out.

She didn't have to keep a strong façade with him. This was Fitz who knew her like the back of his hand. This was Leo who had seen her cry in the privacy of her room when her Grandfather died.

This was her Leo and she couldn't shake off the feeling that he could have been hurt today too.

She forgot about her hands and grasped him harder, tightening the grip on his shoulders. She felt him do the same, his hands drawing soothing circles on her back and holding her tighter as she just allowed her emotions to get the best of her.

Jemma couldn't remember the last time she had cried so much.

She didn't if it had been minutes or seconds but when she finally stopped crying, when she felt all the pressure and fear drain out of her, she slowly disentangled her arms and body from his and stepped back.

She felt Fitz's hands and arms slide away and she immediately missed the warmth. She felt the tears still fresh on her face and went to dry with the back of her hand when Fitz stopped her.

She looked at him in surprise and her heart twisted at the soft expression of his face. His eyes held a look that made her feel as though she was made of glass.

“Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?” He said softly, taking her to the sink near the storage room. It was where they cleaned their lab tools. She allowed him to take charge and do as he wanted.

He opened the faucets and filled a small basin with warm water. She saw him take some spare gauze and dip it in the basin.

With the extreme care he usually reserved for his most delicate experiments, he moved a hand to cup her cheek and gently washed her face with warm water.

She automatically closed her eyes and allowed herself to be taken care of, relishing in the feeling of warmth that spread across her face, both for the water and for Fitz's touch.

Shortly after, the wet gauze left her face and was replaced by something soft that she recognized as a towel.

“Alright,” he whispered. “Now your hands.

“I can do it,” she whispered back, her head and heart feeling better than moments before. She withdrew her hand from his and looked up.

Her heart thudded in her chest at the vulnerable look in his eyes.

“Fitz?” She asked, reaching up for his face, forgetting her bloody hands.

He shook his head, closing his eyes and took her hand again.

“Let me help you, Jemma,” he said softly, taking the wet gauze again and cleaning her hand. “Let me do something and feel useful or I will...” His voice trailed off and she just stared at him as he cleaned the blood off her skin.

Her heart clenched again. She had been so engrossed by her own fear and despair that she had failed to notice his. He had been with Skye the whole time except for...

“It wasn't your fault,” she remarked, stilling him while drying her now clean hands. The stench of blood came only from the basin. She held his hands tightly.

“I should have stopped her.”

“You would have been hurt too.” She recalled the heart-stopping moment when she thought that he was going to be shot. “You were going to be hurt.”

Her mind wandered on its own and she suddenly imagined finding Skye and Fitz shot in the underground chamber. She imagined having to chose which one to save with the hyperbaric chamber. She imagined seeing Fitz on the ground, pale and bloody...

Something inside her cracked.

“Hey...” Fitz's hands grasped hers tightly. “I'm here. I'm alright.”

She looked up at him but couldn't fight off the feeling of having almost lost him today. She removed her hands from his and hugged him again.

It was unlike them to touch each other so much but the moment was unlike anything they had ever encountered. They both needed some comfort.

He hugged her back, hands resting on the small of her back.

“I'm terrified for Skye,” She confessed. “I'm not sure if there is anything I can do for her.”

“You saved her, Jemma. No one else would have kept her alive. She still has a chance thanks to you.”

“But what if-?”

“Skye's strong: she won't give up easily. You know her..”

Jemma nodded against his shoulder.

“I thought I lost you today.”

She froze in his embrace and looked up at him. His voice was vulnerable and soft.

“Fitz?”

“When you took the grenade... You just fell to the ground and I thought...”

She heard him swallow dryly and look away. Her heart ached because she knew the feeling, had felt that cold, shell-shocked dread flow into her body.

“I'm sorry...” She whispered. “I just wanted-”

“-to save us?”

“I didn't want you to be hurt.”

“But you could have died. You didn't know that the grenade was full of dendrotoxin.”

She closed her eyes. Her only thought at the moment was to save him and Skye.

“I didn't think about that.”

She felt his arms hold her tighter.

“We're both alright, Fitz,” she whispered softly. “We're both alive. We have to think of Skye.”

She stepped back and looked at him. 

There were many things that she wanted to tell him but the moment wasn't right. They were both too shaken. He knew that too: she could see it in his eyes.

She gently caressed his cheek, examining the bruise.

“Let me fix that, yeah?” she said. He nodded.

 

-:-

 

Jemma was gentle as always when she put the ointment on his cheek to lessen the swelling. She slowly applied some gauze, careful to not hurt him.

When she finished, she smiled slightly. A small smile to reassure him mostly.

But he could read her better than he could read himself and he knew that she was still struggling with guilt, doubt and fear.

He was struggling with the same feelings.

What had happened today went beyond any of their experiences. They were totally unprepared to the emotional impact of it.

She had been brave the whole day. She had pulled through despite all the pressure put on her.

He had never been so proud of her...

It was his turn to be brave now. He would help her through this moment and not succumb to his guilt.

He smiled slightly.

“I'll help you,” he said, “We'll help Skye until we reach the medical facility.”

He looked into her hazel eyes.

“We can do it, Jemma. Together.”

She nodded, eyes losing some of it's cloudiness and her shoulders straightening.

“Let's go then,” she said. “We have to stay by her side.”

He nodded back.

 

When they reached SHIELD's medical facility, he never left Jemma's side as she explained to the doctors what had occurred and how Skye had been treated.

When their friend was wheeled into the operation room, they took seat outside with Ward and Coulson.

  
  


Now, they only had to wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, leave a comment... :)


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